37 Still Mad at Me? Oh, Okay.

Let’s be honest. At this point, some of you staying mad at me is not about justice or accountability or protecting anyone. It is about self-preservation.

Because if the anger stops and the pitchfork is finally set down, then something much more uncomfortable has to begin. Self-reflection.

And that is the last thing some people want to do.

Whatever it started as, it is not about justice anymore. Maybe some truly believe the version they were sold.

Maybe clinging to it feels safer than admitting they were misled. Some have already realized it quietly, and maybe that is all they could manage. Others are still holding outrage like it is armor.

Because if the anger fades, they have to look at the version of events they clung to and ask if it was ever true. If it was even partly true. If it happened the way they claimed.

They would have to reexamine the stories told in hushed tones. The strategic silences. The passive nods and the “I’m staying out of it” neutrality that always, somehow, protected the source of the harm.

They might have to admit I was not the problem. That I was inconvenient. Too honest. Too awake. Too unwilling to play along with a game built on denial, distortion, and selective memory.

Once you commit to a dirty story whispered behind someone’s back, the only way to save face is to double down. Otherwise you have to admit you were part of it. That you laughed at the wrong jokes. Looked away at the wrong moments. Helped push out the one person trying to tell the truth.

So the anger stays. It becomes a performance. Not because it is real, but because the alternative is too humiliating or too difficult.

Here is what they do not seem to grasp. The longer you stay mad at someone for things you only heard secondhand, the more foolish you begin to look. The more time passes, the more obvious it becomes that the grudge is doing a job, not telling a truth.

I was not perfect. No one is. But I am not a bad person. What I am guilty of is not the story they have been telling themselves for years.

Reality seeps through the cracks. People start to notice how much effort it takes to keep pretending I am the problem. I am not here to defend myself against myths. I am here to tell the truth, not play whack-a-mole with projections.

If you are tired of the noise, come closer. I am not here to shout. I am here to rebuild what was broken by it.

Or stay mad at me. What happened still happened. The longer you perform outrage while dodging the facts, the more it shows. Not on me. On you.

If you are rushing to say “that is not what happened” or suddenly clarifying your role or calling around to check your standing, relax. I had not named you. I had not even written to you.

If your first instinct was to defend yourself, ask why. Why you felt indicted by a story you said you were not part of. Why it hit a nerve you claimed you did not have.

I told the truth. I did not exaggerate it. The people who watched it unfold already know. The people who pretended not to see do not get to play referee now.

If your name was not in it and you still felt exposed, that says more about you than me. I was not trying to call anyone out. I just will not keep swallowing lies to keep others comfortable.

You were comfortable while I was drowning. You stayed quiet when your voice might have changed everything. You heard the things said about me and you let them land. Maybe you even added some of your own.

I am not looking for apologies. I am not interested in damage control. I am telling the truth out loud so I can stop carrying the weight of your silence.

If you are scrambling, I was not talking to you. But maybe now I am.

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Disclaimer

This is a personal account based on my own experiences and observations. It reflects my perspective and understanding of events as I lived them. Any resemblance to specific individuals is incidental to the truth I am describing. If you recognize yourself in this and feel uncomfortable, that is between you and your conscience.

This post is not intended to defame or harm any person or entity. It is a truthful expression of personal experience and opinion.